


Obvious

by sshhdonttellanyone



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Best Friends, F/M, Friends to Lovers, One Direction Imagines, Over a lifetime, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-09-22
Packaged: 2018-02-18 10:45:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2345591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sshhdonttellanyone/pseuds/sshhdonttellanyone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An Imagine spanning 26 years of you and your best friend Harry Styles. Will you make the transition from friends to lovers? Is it worth the risk? The answer is obvious.</p>
<p>This was originally published in my OneShots book on Wattpad but it's long enough for a short story and I think it deserves it's own book. The title comes from the song that inspired it Obvious by Westlife (so showing my age!) I hope you'll enjoy this fic that puts you in the staring role! <br/>Love Always</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 6-17 Giraffes to First Loves

It's the day before your 6th birthday and your parents are taking you to Chester Zoo for the first time. You are more excited than you've ever been. This is better than Christmas! You are finally going to see a giraffe. Your bedroom is full of stuffed animals and your Mummy, who is an excellent artist, even painted one wall in your bedroom with a mural of giraffes, feeding from the very top branches of very tall trees. She painted you into the scene, sitting cross legged next to the tree trunk, sketchbook in hand, drawing your favourite animal. Drawing and giraffes are your two favourite things in the world.

 

You stand in the Giraffe enclosure, your neck straining from looking up for so long. You have been there, in a world of your own for about fifteen minutes. Mummy is waiting outside for you, wanting you to have this moment, to cherish it. After a while you notice, out of the corner of your eye, a curly haired boy slowly edging his way towards you. When he's standing right next to you, you try to ignore him. "Did you know giraffes can't cough?" He asks boldly. Your eyes narrow and you turn to face him "Of course I know they can't cough! I know everything about Giraffes! Did YOU know that their legs are actually longer than their necks?? I bet you didn't"  
"I did! I love jaffs!" He exclaims, mortally insulted that you would dare to question his knowledge of the herbivores.  
"You can't even say giraffes properly." You say sassily. You notice he looks very upset and you get a nasty feeling in your tummy. The kind you get when mummy asks if you ate all the biscuits before dinner and you say no even though you did. You put your hand on his shoulder "I'm sorry. It doesn't matter. I can't say squiggle." You mean squirrel but you've never been able to say it correctly, "I can't say parcark either." This time you mean car park, which you've struggled to say since you learnt the word. The little boy smiles gratefully. You talk some more, about your mutual love of giraffes, words you struggle to pronounce (you notice that he only calls them jaffs when he's excited and talking quickly, which is often), and finally your reason for visiting the Zoo. "It's my birthday tomorrow and this is my treat." You tell him. He gasps excitedly "Wait here. Right here. Don't go anywhere!" He races out of the enclosure and when he comes back he is trailing a giraffe shaped helium balloon behind him, with Happy Birthday written on the bottom "It was my birthday yesterday! My big sister bought me this with her pocket money" He exclaims, very excited that your birthdays are so close "I'm 6" he says proudly, feeling like a very big boy.  
"I'm 6 tomorrow!" His excitement is infectious and you start to feel very giddy. He looks at his balloon and back to you, his little lips pursed. He seems to reach a decision and with a dimpled smile he holds it out to you "Happy Birfday."  
"For keeps?" He nods and his smile widens as you throw your arms around him in a hug. He giggles and asks of you'd like to go see the penguins next "They'll be having their dinner in a minute and we can watch!"  
You glance up at the giraffes, unsure if you are ready to go. Your neck is very sore though, and penguins are kinda cool.  
"Jaffs are my favouritest but I like penguins second bestest." He tells you conspiratorially, as if imparting a state secret.  
"Okay. I'll ask my Mummy. I'm Y/N, by the way."  
"Hi Y/N! My name is Harry."

 

 

"Harry, I'm almost 13! I can't have a jaffs mural on my wall anymore." Jaffs stuck, you've both been calling them that since that day at the zoo.  
"The girls in school all have cool feng shui style rooms. I'm embarrassed to bring them over. We're in high school now Haz." They of course don't care. They love coming to your house after school because Harry is usually there. You go to different High Schools, Harry going to the one in Holmes, you going to an all-girls school in Liverpool. So your school friends love that you have male friends. Especially your best friend Harry. The cute little boy is starting to fill out and turn into a teenage girls dream.  
"But it's just so sad Y/N. I was so happy and proud the day your mum painted me in next to you....keep us even if you paint over the rest? For me? For my birthday?" He looks at you with puppy dog eyes and your resolve starts to falter  
"You still owe me for the jaff balloon." He wheedles, and with a sigh and a groan you give in to him. It is his birthday. Plus you always do.

 

 

"You were supposed to come over last night Harry! I waited in all night like a lemon!"  
"I'm sorry babe. I was going to come but....Tara wanted to give me a special present for my 16th." Tara. Ugh. Harry has been dating since you were 14 but none of those girls ever came before you. Until Tara. Or Tara Titan Tits as she's known as in Holmes. You don't like the way he said special present. Kind of excited and wondrous.  
"What present could be soooo important you ditch your best friend, without even a phone call? Lemme guess...she went down on you?"  
"Bigger than that Y/N ! I. Went. All. The. Way. I'm no longer a sad virgin! Isn't this great?!"  
Your heart turns to stone and you feel a little sick.  
"To Tara?! Well I hope you used a condom because that girl is the town bike! She's probably riddled with std's" you sneer. You don't know why you’re saying this. The first time Harry fingered a girl, he told you straight away and you pissed yourself laughing. The first time you got fingered, you told Hardy straight away and this time he pissed himself laughing. You've always shared everything, and you've never felt like this before.  
"Y/N, are you jealous or something? Because Tara is my girlfriend and I need you not to talk about her like that." Jealous. He's hit the nail right on the head. You’re jealous and you have no idea why.

 

 

You spend Harry's 17th birthday sobbing. Your boyfriend Josh cheated on you and you just found out "Harry why would he do that to me? Am I not sexy enough? Not cool enough? Just not enough?"  
"Don't you fucking dare talk like that! You’re the most loyal, smartest, coolest person I know. And you’re smoking fucking hot babe. Josh is the loser here. I never liked that prick. He's just not good enough for you."  
"Have you ever cheated on any of your girls?" Harry and Tara lasted six loooong months, it was the only time in your 11 year friendship you didn't talk every day, and hang out all the time. It made you really sad but Gemma, Harry's older sister, told you to just wait "He'll get bored of that vacuous bitch in no time at all. You’re his best mate love, forever. I'd love a friendship as close as you two have. That's not something some trampy 'ho can destroy. He's just discovered sex and it’s his dick doing the thinking right now. You have to give his hormone soaked brain time to remember who he is. Trust me, I'm 20 and I've seen it all before."  
You followed her advice and as always she was bang on the money. They split and you got your Harry back. He slept around for sure, but none of his conquest were around for long and they never came between you again.  
"Of course not! I might be a bit of a player-"  
"Understatement of the year!"  
"-but I'm not a dog. I've got too much respect for women to do that."  
"Harry I gave him my virginity." You wail, mortified that Josh played you. "I feel so foolish." You whisper softly as Harry pulls you into an embrace.  
Two days later you learn that the black eye Josh is sporting came from Harry. He sneaked out on his birthday night, when you, exhausted from crying, had fallen asleep in his arms, and had beaten the crap out of Josh for daring to fuck with 'his y/n'


	2. 18 Ibiza Baby!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains recreational drug use

It's your 18th Birthdays and you’re in Ibiza. You are with a group of friends and it’s your first holiday without parents. Every other year your parents had taken turns to take you away. So one year you would go away with Harry's mum Anne and Gemma, and the next he'd come on holiday with your family. But now it was just the two of you and your friends. You'd been worried Harry would slag his way across the island, leaving you without your partner in crime. You couldn't have been more wrong. He was super attentive, not leaving your side. He was so happy here. You loved it when Harry was like this, full of mischief, the life and soul of the party and guaranteed to get you involved in adventures. 

You have tickets to go to the Ibiza Rocks hotel party and dressed as rock stars, the group dances their assess off, swigging €12 beer. Harry grabs your hand and asks "You up for an adventure boo?"  
You throw your head back and laugh  
"I'm in Harold. Wait. We're in Spain...I'm in Haroldo." You burst out laughing and so does Harry.  
"C'mon babe." He leads you through to the VIP section and ducking under the barrier he sneaks you both in.  
He carries on pulling you to one of the huge beds that are dotted around and you both flop down onto it. "I've got a surprise for you...just gimme a second and I'll get us some drinks. Don't move, stay right there." You nod with a smile, and people watch as you wait for him. He returns with a bottle of Prosecco. "I wanted to get champagne but it was €250 a bottle! Fizz is fizz though right?"  
"It sure is! Thanks babe. What's this all about then?"  
"This is a milestone holiday, a rite of passage. And this time next year we'll have been in London for six months. I'm so glad we both got accepted into London universities, I don't think I'd have the balls to do it alone. Move to the capital. I need my girl there, wherever I am."  
"Aww you soppy bitch....You’re such a girl." You joke embarrassed by how much his words touch you.  
"I've got another little treat to make tonight go with a swing...if you're game?" He smiles wickedly, with an arched brow. Something about his excitement level makes you weary. Rather than jumping in with an instant yes as you normally would you ask him a question "What is it first?" He roots around in his pocket, takes something out and holds it out to you. He opens his clenched fist to reveal a baggie, with six small tablets in.  
"Are those pills? E?" You ask surprised. This was the last thing you were expecting. You know Harry has dabbled with recreational drugs before, but never around you. And the one time you asked him to get you some he point blank refused. "Fuck off am I scoring for you Y/N! If I find out you've been messing with that crap I'll bloody kill you!"  
But apparently that has all changed.  
"Keep your voice down! But yeah it's X. You in?"  
You bite your lip, unsure. "I dunno man. Where did you get them from?"  
"One of the bouncers. Listen they aren't going to be selling dodgy crap at the door, ya know. We are in Ibiza, MistaJam is on in an hour, which would just give us time to come up nicely for his set."  
"Argh....yeah go on then." You agree nervously. But you trust Harry, he'd never steer you wrong or encourage you to do anything that could harm you. Harry grins happily, and pours you each a glass of Prosecco. He hands you the glass and you clink them "Chin, chin." You each say, feeling like a proper adults. Harry's hand goes to his mouth before he takes a sip. Once he's swallowed, his hand goes right back. Looking directly at you, at your wide eyed expression, he opens his mouth and shows you his tongue. Just on the tip is a little red pill with a heart stamped into it. He puts his tongue back in and brushes a lock of hair from your face. "You ready Boo? I'm going to give you it now." You nod and hold out your hand. He laughs once before, his hand in your hair at the back of your head; he brings your faces together. He kisses you softly, just a peck, then pulls back a little "I have to kiss you properly babes." He doesn't give you time to protest before his lips are back on you. They are soft and talented. His fingers and entangled in your hair, as he increases the pressure and opens his mouth. You automatically respond by doing the same. You forget why you’re doing this and just melt into the kiss. As your tongues touch for the first time, the bitter taste of the ecstasy tab he's passing you barely registering, Harry tugging slightly at your hair, you moan. Just once, very softly. But it's enough to break the spell and bring you both back to yourselves. You spring apart, both of your mouths forming perfect 'O's. You quickly look away. This still a little taste of him in your mouth and you don't like it. Or more accurately, you don't like how much you like it. You pick up your champagne flute and knock half of it back, washing away his taste. You feel empty without it. 

"Fuck that was weird." Harry mumbles, not able to look at you.  
"Not that weird." You shrug, not wanting to make an issue out of it.  
"That's what was so weird...it not feeling weird is what makes it weird. I expected it to be disgusting, like if I was kissing Gem. You’re actually a really good kisser!" Harry winks, bumping shoulders with you. And just like that the awkwardness has gone. You spend the next half hour drinking the overpriced fizz, talking about how nervous you are for your upcoming A-levels, about moving to London in August. You start to feel a warm glow in your centre. You can feel it spreading, radiating out, and warming your whole body. You start breathe a little deeper and you look across at Harry with a smile, "I think I'm coming up."  
"Me too. It's nice right?"  
"It feels lovely, kind of warm and cosy feeling and...blissful." Harry reaches out and starts to stroke your hair "It's so soft babe, like cashmere." His stroking feels amazing. Like the most fantastic massage, even though he's actually only stroking you like you’re a dog. The thought makes you laugh. And when Harry laughs too, you both giggle together. The music starts to make you want to move, you start to dance in your seat. "Wanna go dance baby girl?" Harry asks seeing you swaying. You just nod, the smile on your face explaining exactly how you’re feeling to Harry. He stands and takes your hand, entwining his fingers with yours "You’re the fucking best Y/N. You know I adore you right?" Your smile gets a little bigger, you feel like you should kiss Harry. You mean to kiss his cheek but you stumble a little and the kiss lands on the corner of his mouth. It feels so good. Harry turns to you and stroking your cheek kisses your lips again. You stand there kissing, just chaste pecks, and you've never felt so connected to another human being. "We're soulmates Harry."  
"Absolutely Y/N. I'm blessed to have you." You kiss one last time and finally join the thousand people in front of the stage. 

You find your group of friends, dancing all the way. The dance music vibrating in your chest, making your heart beat in time with the music. MistaJam starts his set just as you find your mates. The first song the legendary DJ plays makes you all scream...It’s a remix of Dancing Shoes by Arctic Monkeys. Harry grabs your hands and you dance like you've never danced before, screaming the lyrics at each other. "Get on your dancin' shoes. There's one thing on your mind. Hopin' they're lookin' for you. Sure you'll be rummagin' through" Harry starts.  
"Oh and the shit, shock, horror. You've seen your future bride. Yeah but it's oh so absurd. For you to say the first word. So you're waitin' and waitin'" you reply with a wink. As the song continues your bodies get closer and closer. Harry's hand is at the small of your back slowly stroking up and down. Your arm is wrapped around his neck, your cheeks touching. Everything feels heightened; whenever his cheek rubs against yours it's the most amazing sensation you've ever felt. When you whisper the lyric "Get on your dancin' shoes. You sexy little swine" in his ear, Harry's breath catches and he stops moving. He leans down to your ear "You do know that ecstasy kisses don't count right? It just feels really good." You grin and bite your bottom lip. Your mouths find each other again and this time there is no restraint, you both go for it.  
"Oh my god! Look at those two! Finally!" You hear your friend Eleanor practically scream.  
"Nah man, they're just pilled up innit." Zayn, a friend of Matty (Harry's cousin), dismisses her excitement. Even in your current state, you’re grateful for him correcting her. The last thing you need is everyone making a big deal out of this. Harry runs his fingers up your spine, and suddenly everyone else fades away and it's just the two of you. 

You have no idea what happens next, but the next time you are fully aware, you are in a tattoo parlour. You are sitting on waiting chairs just inside the entrance.  
"What are we doing here Haz?" You whisper, not wanting anyone else to know you have no idea how you got there.  
"I'm getting a new tatt." Harry announces proudly. You are about to ask him if that's a good idea but he is already starting to look like a doodle pad, so you let of go. What's one more?  
"What you getting?" You ask instead  
"Well you know I've got the G for Gem, on the other side I'm going to get (your initial)."  
"Fuck Harry you can't do that!"  
"Why not? You’re as much family as Gem. We're soulmates right?" He asks as if laying down an ace. You can see he had made his mind up and there is no point arguing. You think for a moment "Shall I get something for you too?" you ask having a sudden idea of what to get.  
"That would be frickin' awesome! You going to get my initial?"  
You shake your head and tell him to wait and see.  
You each go into separate rooms and you tell the artist what you would like. It's only small so twenty minutes later you meet a shirtless Harry in the front part of the studio. You see your initial proudly branded on your best friends chest and your heart swells. "Lemme see yours then!" Harry demands, overexcited.  
You shake your head "later." you say.

Later the night, well its morning by then, you are sitting on the beach, watching the sun come up. Harry is leaning against a beach hut, you are leaning against him, your back resting on his chest. He has his arms wrapped around you, his chin on your shoulder, looking out at the sea. You are both coming down from your crazy high and just laying quietly, both engrossed in your own thoughts.  
"I'm real glad we did that Haz." You say, finally ready to talk properly.  
"It was a really special experience y/n and I'm just so happy I shared it with you."  
"Wanna see my tatt?" You feel nervous as you ask, worried he'll think its lame.  
"Hell yeah!"  
You turn around, so you are on your knees in between his legs, and lift up your top. On your left hand side, directly up from your hip, above your waist, is a balloon. "I know it's not jaff shaped but I thought a little red one was enough as a representation." The balloon's ribbon is ruffled in such a way that it looks like HS. "What do you think? Do I need to book a laser session?"  
Harry doesn't answer, just hovers his finger above the tattoo, tracing its design without actually touching it. He looks up and you see he has tears in his eye. He gives a self-deprecating laugh, and rolls his eyes at himself. "I love it. It's very special, just like you and I feel honoured you have it. I'm so grateful for our friendship y/n." You smile, and wipe away the tears now filling up your eyes. You hug each other tightly before settling back to watch the sunrise together.  
"Well my mums gonna kill me. She gave me three rules for this holiday and I've broke them all." You announce, giggling to yourself.  
Harry asks what they are.  
"One, don't take drugs. Two, don't get a tattoo. Three, don't kiss Harry." You howl with laughter. And any embarrassment or awkwardness that could have occurred because of you eating face all night is suddenly washed away.


	3. 19 Star Wars and Propositions

The day of your nineteenth birthday, you are talking to your gay neighbour Louis. You've moved into the St Martins dorms and Harry is living in a flatshare with Gemma and her friend Lou. You are both loving London but you've hit a bit of a snag.   
"I don't want him as a friend. I want him to go down in me for so long that he has to evolve gills!" You pout explaining your predicament to Louis. The first few months after the holiday, everything was fine, same as always. Then the dreams started. The flashbacks to the lost hours in Ibiza. You remembered just how good Harry's lips felt, moving in perfect sync with your own. The flashback where you remembered his hands in your bra, and his mouth on your neck actually made you whimper, right there in the middle of class. The dreams got steamier and steamier every night. It had got to the point where every morning you woke up horny as hell. Like painfully so. You were going through batteries like nobody’s business and you were starting to worry the motor on your rabbit was going to give in, from overuse. In short you had a major problem. You were desperate to jump your best friend.  
You have a fuck-tonne of work you were behind on and had a life drawing class first thing in the morning. The last thing you need is a hangover when drawing some naked fat chick, so Harry has insisted on a movie night. Just you, him, a few beers, and the original Star Wars Trilogy. Great. 

 

Harry arrives, with three Waitrose bags. "As it's your birthday and we have to stay in, I thought I'd push the boat out and get posh snacks." He smiles and handing you the bags, plonks himself on your bed. He kicks his shoes off and leaves them where they fall, dropping his leather jacket on top of them. He is infuriating, you think. I just have to remember that. Halfway through The Empire Strikes Back you realise he's been engrossed in his phone for the last half an hour. You pause the film and ask "Somewhere more important you need to be?"  
"You're not going to believe this! You know those two girls I hooked up with around New Years? They're only asking me to go over to UCL for a threesome!"   
"I didn't even want to do anything tonight Harry! I could've and should've been studying. This was your idea." What you’re saying is true, but that's not why you’re pissed. If Harry goes off and has sex with TWO girls who aren't you, you will never speak to him again.   
"As if I'd ditch you on your birthday. I mean most friends would be stuffing condoms in my hands and pushing me out the door to live every man's fantasy like but..."  
"Oh my god, just go."  
"Shut up you dickhead! I'm joking. I'd much rather be here with you than watching a lesbian sex show." He winks at you, and he's so goddamn cocky you face-plant him with a pillow. He instantly retaliates and in time at all you are having an honest to goodness pillow fight, your room filling with feathers. You are both on your knees on the bed, swinging wildly, with your rapidly thinning pillows. He falls in top of you and you literally stop breathing, this is like something from a porno.   
"I've never noticed how beautiful your eyes are before." He murmurs, almost to himself, sounding more surprised than you'd like   
"It may come as a shock to you Harold but most men realise I'm a girl...some even find me attractive." You laugh bitterly, fed up of him not seeing you the way you see him. All the girls in Uni are jealous of how close you are to him, a repeat of high school and college, but they don't realise the downside is he sees you as one of the lads or like a sister...were as now, you just want to rip all of his clothes off.   
"Wait. You’re a girl?! I don't believe you!" He jokes not even realising you’re a little upset. You quickly slap on a smile and try to get back into your usual banter   
"Just because I've got bigger balls than you doesn't mean I'm a boy Styles." He still hasn't moved from on top of you and his proximity is killing you. You want nothing more than to close the distance between you. He starts absentmindedly picking the feathers out of your hair with his nimble fingers   
"Nah your defo not a girl...you’re the best bloke I know."  
"What in the world has led you to this conclusion?"  
"You smoke cigars, you have an enormous collection of aged, single malt scotch, you can explain the offside rule better than any of the other lads, you scream at the telly when we are watching the boxing, you host poker night and have UFC parties. You wingman for me! You have a man card no doubt." He finishes smugly. Yeah you wingman for Harry at the student union bar you work at. Your reasoning being the quicker you get him out if the bar with some random, the less likely you'll drunkenly make a move on him.   
"All valid points, sexist, but valid. However I think you've forgotten two major points." Harry looks baffled so you look him in the eye and then with his eyes following yours drag them downwards to your chest. You see Harry's pupils dilate and you see a momentary expression of a kind of confused lust, before he quickly recovers "They are what seal the deal."  
"Huh?"  
"They are what make you the ultimate bloke. Every guy would love his own set of fun bags to play with. Nice ones like yours, not moobs like Carl has." He says referring to an overweight friend of his. He still hasn't taken his eyes off of your chest a fact which makes you smile. You know you have great breasts and the tight black vest top you're wearing is only serving to enhance them. When Harry's tongue subconsciously darts out and runs across him bottom lip you feel emboldened "Well you’re welcome to use mine. I mean speaking as one bro to another; it'd be rude not to share." 

 

The corners of Harry's mouth twitch and slowly a smile begins to spread across his face "They are spectacular." He finally manages to force his eyes away from your body and to your face. Your heart is racing, your breath uneven. Studying his face you realise you've seen that look before, usually in the union bar when some unsuspecting fresher was in his crosshairs, but never has it been aimed at you.   
"If we do this you’re not going to start being a girl right? Can you do it like a man?" He asks, sitting up, helping you up also. Your nose scrunches in confusion, in a way Harry has always secretly thought is adorable, before you laugh "Do it like a man? Are you trying to tell me you want to be the girl Styles?" You are amazed at how confident you’re feeling.   
"Funny." He says, voice dripping with sarcasm. His eyes search around your room, looking everywhere but at you as he is obviously thinking of a better way to phrase what he's trying to say. You decide to let him off the hook "Harry, listen, you don't have to worry about me thinking this is anything more than is. As hard as it might be for you to get your ego around...you're just not boyfriend material." 

"What's that supposed to mean?"   
"I love you babe, you’re my favouritest and my best. As my friend. This is just to satisfy my curiosity to see if you’re as good as they say."  
"They say I'm good?" His face lights up and you can practically see his head expand.   
"I say you’re infuriating. But yes they do say you’re good. You've had some excellent reviews. However...I'll tell you the truth Harry. Good or bad. You know me."   
He doesn't look convinced and you’re starting to regret this whole thing. "Never mind hon, no biggie." You shrug it off, trying to save face.   
"It's not that I don't want to. It's just...besides family you’re the only woman in my life I've got a meaningful relationship with, you’re the only one I've not messed things up with for..."  
"A shag."  
"Exactly. Your too important to me to risk it. In my experience-"  
"Vast experience."  
"In my VAST experience, sex complicates things. You’re MY favouritest and best. Apart from me Mam and Gem you’re the only one I love more than myself."  
"So...bad idea yeah? Let’s leave it baby boy."  
"I Love you." He says in an apologetic way   
"Love you too." You can't help but smile. Trust Harry to reject you in a way that makes you feel special.   
He throws his arm around you and pulls you closer as he unpauses the movie.

Later that evening, as you lay awake staring at the ceiling you hear a tiny, hesitant knock at the door. A huge grin spreads across your face because you knew this would happen....


	4. 19 (continued) Cheeky bit of LoveSmut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the title suggests this chapter contains smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As the title suggests this chapter contains smut.

You dive out of bed and race to the door. In your haste you trip over your book bag and face plant on the floor. Wasting no time at all you dive back up and rubbing your head pull open the door. There's no one there. Your mouth pulls into a little pout as you poke your head out into the corridor. You see a familiar silhouette "Harry!" you whisper, almost hiss.

He turns on his heel "Heeey y/n," he says with a blush, dragging out your name. "I thought I left my wallet here earlier but I just found it."

You sigh at his lame explanation and checking there's no one around, step out into the hallway. You have on your pyjamas; a figure hugging vest top, tiny shorts that only half cover your ass and a pair of knee socks. "You thought you'd forgotten your wallet? And you decided to knock on my door at 4am to retrieve it? Could it be, maybe, just maybe, you're lying?"  
"Why would I lie?" He is openly checking you out, his eyes roaming over your body in a predatory, almost proprietary manner.   
"Maybe you've been lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, kicking yourself for not tapping this when you had the chance. So you decided to come see if I was still game." You try to fight the smirk threatening, but you're losing.  
His manages to drag his gaze back to your face "And if I had? What would you say?" He edges forward, getting right into your personal space, and his hand snakes around your hip. You pretend to ponder what he's saying "Are you asking?"   
He bends slightly, bringing his mouth to yours, stopping centimetres short of touching "I don't need to. I already know the answer." He closes the gap. As your lips move in sync, your bodies pressed together, you become breathless. 

 

You've been imagining this for months and he's a more talented kisser than you remember. Harry slips his hands onto your bum and squeezes before slipping them underneath. You get the hint, allowing him to pick you up, wrapping your legs around his waist. You crash into the wall, as Harry's mouth goes down to your neck. When you throw your head back in near rapture and a breathy moan escapes your lips, Harry pauses, just long enough to mumble "That is so fucking hot" against your skin, before stumbling you both to your room and throwing you on the bed. This is it, you think, at last. You're not at all nervous or embarrassed which in some ways surprises you but mainly makes perfect sense. This is Harry.

You realise Harry has frozen looking down at you, his mouth flapping like a fish. "Harry?"  
"I just threw you on the bed."  
"Yeeah...so?"  
"I'm really sorry; I got carried away and just..." He trails off. You try to fight a laugh and move yourself so you’re sitting on the edge of the bed.  
"Come sit down babes." He reluctantly sits next to you, staring at his lap like a naughty schoolboy who's about to be chastised "I'm not made of porcelain Haz. You can throw me around, maybe pull my hair a little...I like that." You'd never normally admit that to a guy straight off the bat, but this is Harry. You've always told him everything, why change now?  
"I don't think I can." He sees your eyebrows pull together "I can't be at all like that with you. It feels disrespectful. I can't disrespect you like that."  
"It's not. You're not. We should stop though; you're obv-"  
"No!" He exclaims. "I mean, no. I don't want to stop. Unless you do."  
"Not even a little. Why don't we just go slow and see where it takes us? Like I could start with running my hand up your thigh..." You say seductively, as you do it.   
"And I could start by kissing you again." Harry grins shyly, he looks so young and vulnerable as he leans in to kiss you that he reminds you of the boy he once was. 

This kiss feels different, slower, more sensual and a hell of a lot more meaningful. Harry's hand is in your hair, but rather than pull he entangles his fingers in it. Slowly you carry on kissing and work your way into his lap, your legs on either side of him. He only pauses kissing you to remove your top, sliding it up to expose your breasts. You take his hand and guide it to them, giving him the permission he feels he needs. He has one hand on your back and presses you down onto him with it, so you feel just how hard he's grown. It actually takes your breath away. "I knew you had the swagger of a boy packing heat." You whisper is his ear.  
"Y/N! You can't say that!" Harry blushes.   
"Harry. Dude. Loosen up. Shall I loosen you up?" You ask as you slide off, onto the floor I front of him. You start to unbuckle his jeans, and unbutton them, "You're gonna have to help me out though mate."  
You laugh as Harry scoots out of his jeans and pulls his tee over his head. "Come back up here y/n, I don't think you should...and you’re looking at my cock!" He says looking up at the ceiling as you manage to get his boxers off. And what a sight it is, you think biting you lip. As you start to kiss up a nervous Harry's thighs, he's mumbling to himself about how he 'can't be about to gets blowjob from y/n' and other nonsense. You smile against him, confident that as soon as your talented mouth finds him he'll change his tune. "Really y/n, you don't have to do that, it doesn't seem rig-oh fuck! Don't you dare stop." He looks down, the sight of you with his member in your mouth, looking up all hollowed cheeks and wide eyes, makes his cock grow even harder. You bob your head, swirling your tongue around the tip, working your way down until you have taken him in completely. He gasps the first time he hits the back of your throat. "How did I not know you were so good at this?!" He sounds almost bewildered as if he can't quite believe what's happening. You continue to work him for a few minutes, teasing and kissing, then get back onto the bed and lay down beside him. 

"I'm sorry for freaking out. I'm done, I promise." He smiles at you before kissing you again. His hands start to caress your skin, rediscovering the familiar contours of your body in this new way. When he slides a finger inside you, you gasp into his mouth. His movements and slow and gentle, adding only a second finger, but you soon feel the familiar pressure building bringing you to the brink. "I'm close." You whisper urgently. He increases the speed a little and watches you intently, as you shudder and moaning his name come on his hand.

Seeing you at your most vulnerable seems to change things for Harry, "You're so beautiful." He whispers as he thrusts into you for the first time. "I love you." You mouth the words back, unable to speak. He doesn't screw like you expected him to, fast and furious, but slowly, softly, and deeply. All the while whispering how beautiful you are, how you mean the world to him and how he's never felt closer to you. It's beautiful and life affirming, your bodies joined in the perfect expression of just how much you mean to one another. As your hips move in perfect sync, you feel a build you've not felt before. This isn't just about getting off, and it's not just a physical orgasm that you’re about to have but an almost spiritual release. As you start to come, your mouth still connected with Harry's, his thrusts become harder and faster, until he too is calling out your name. You are looking in each other’s eyes, riding a wave of pleasure that has never been more intense. 

"We're never doing that again." Harry states after you have both come down from your highs.   
"Woah. Way to give a girl a complex." You pull the duvet up around yourself, suddenly very aware of your nakedness.   
"Oh babe, don’t do that." Harry wails. "Don't make this something dirty and cheap." He turns onto his side, propped up on his arm, his head supported on his hand as he looks down upon you "I'm sorry. That was the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced and I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just...you know I said about this being a casual thing and how I asked if you could keep it that way? Well if we carried on doing this I don't think I could keep it that way. That was...too intense. I've never slept with anyone I love before." He pauses to brush some hair from your face "I've never made love. The love I feel for you WILL change if we go down this path...you ready for that? Because I don't think I am babe."  
"I've never made love either." You whisper. You've been in love and had sex with them but you aren't lying. It was never, ever, like that before. It had felt like you were coming home. "It's not right though is it? It shouldn't have felt like that. Not if their wasn't something here." You gesture between the two of you.   
"Not the right something though baby." He says bringing your hand to his mouth and kissing it tenderly. "Falling for you would be the easiest thing in the world. As natural as breathing but..."  
"What then." You flatly finish for him.   
"Exactly. What happens when it doesn't work out? We lose this. Us."   
"It's your bloody fault. All that respect crap! If you'd have treated me like any other girl you hook up with we'd have been fine. But no, you had to insist on being all gentle and loving and shit."  
"Fair. Definitely fair." He pauses and hesitantly kisses you. You know it's supposed to be an innocent kiss. A restating of your friendship. But as soon as those soft lips press yours, you both ignite. Suddenly his fingers are back inside you; you're biting down on his shoulder and digging your heels into his arse grinding against him.

"That was definitely the last time." Harry pants, as you flop down beside him.   
"Mhm....although-" you start  
"I like although."  
"We've already gone there tonight. We could just stop tomorrow." Your words hang there.  
"I should go."  
"Probably a good idea."  
"I want you to understand I'm not going because I want to; I'm going because I don't. And if I stay, I'm never going to want to leave." He gets out of bed and starts to pull on his clothes.   
"Okay, so just in case, so this doesn't get awkward, we're going to not see each other for a few weeks and then everything will be back to normal." You suggest, thinking some distance isn't a bad idea.   
"If it’s not, if we've fucked up our friendship anyway, we can do this again." He sounds almost hopeful, and you feel your heart swell.   
"Almost sounds like that's the outcome you want there Haz." He just laughs and with a kiss, this time on the cheek, makes to leave "We need this little bit of time apart. Or one of us may fall."   
Too late, you think as the door swings shut.


	5. 21 He was Dating Who??!!

It's your 21st birthday party. Your friends, family and your boyfriend have hired a beautiful venue, filled it with your favourite food, drinks and people. Your favourite local band has been hired and your friend Zayn is spinning your favourite songs. It feels like the perfect night. Almost.   
"Hey beautiful. So what do you think? Did I do ok?" You hear a male voice ask as strong arms wrap around your waist. You smile to yourself. You love it when he holds you like this. "You did great. This is perfect. Thank you." You turn to kiss him. Your boyfriend.

"Liam!" You hear someone call, as you break away from the kiss. "Put her down a second and come help the band bring their equipment through." It's Andy and Maz, Liam's best friends. "Sorry y/n, we only need to steal him for a minute. We'll have him back to you sharpish. You look gorgeous by the way." Maz say's kissing you on both cheeks. 

_You met Liam six months ago, you'd seen him around St Martins and at the bar before, noticed how cute he was, but you'd never really spoken. You'd see him and nod but that was it. Then six months ago, one night at the bar, out of the blue he'd started talking to you. You started to talk every time he came in, until it got so he would come in, head straight to the bar and spend the entire night talking with you. This went on for two months, until you found yourself at an exhibition of the Postgrad class’s works. You had been standing in front of one particular abstract sculpture for a long while. Something about it had you enthralled, and it felt overwhelmingly familiar._  
"What do you think?" Asked a voice beside you.   
"I, I adore it. It looks so free. There’s a movement in the lines that I find very compelling." You replied, unable to tear your eyes away from the artwork.   
"Well that was the idea; the subject has an incredible sense of freedom about her. It felt like that should be the focus of the piece. I'm glad you like it." You recognise something in the voice. Liam  
"You did this? It's beautiful." Finally you turn to face him.   
"Thanks. I think so too. The subject is much more beautiful though."   
"Lucky her." You sigh, thinking about the beauty of one who could inspire such great art and feeling a little jealous. Liam chuckles softly and watching you intently asks "Have you looked at the name yet?" 

_You haven't. Looking at the plaque besides it you see 'UNGUARDED Y/N, mixed media, Liam Payne B.A' unable to believe the coincidence you read the accompanying description._  
'I wanted to capture the lightness, the elegance and most importantly of all the sense of freedom that encapsulate the subject. To do this, I first sketched, then worked in clay before settling on thin rods of steel wire. The sense of movement comes from my sketch work being undertaken without the subject’s knowledge, making her truly unguarded.'  
As you finish reading you look to Liam with questioning eyes "I sketched you every night at the bar." He smiles, making your heart flip.   
"This is me? I'm your muse?"  
He simply nods. "Dinner?" He asks slickly. Well you had to say yes didn't you? You've been together ever since. 

 

Back at your party Liam kisses you telling you he really won't be long, and to go mingle. You try to spend a little time with each group of people you pass, as you head towards the bar, to top up your whisky sour. You are talking to a group of Uni friends including Louis, when you feel someone smack your arse. "Hiya babe!" Gemma exclaims as you turn, and pulls you into her embrace.   
"Gem! I'm so glad you could make it! How you doin?"   
"Good, I'm good matey. Just waiting for me Mam and Robin to arrive."  
"Oh wow Auntie Anne is coming?! I'm so happy! Let’s grab a drink and have a catch up."  
Gemma and yourself natter away as you make your way to the bar, Gemma calling "Make way for the birthday girl!" when you reach the crowd surrounding the free bar. Once you have a couple of drinks each, she leads you to the table her friends are at "Guys you remember y/n, y/n this is Louise-"  
"Lou, call me Lou. Nice to see you again hon. Happy birthday." The girl you remember as one of Gemma's best friends, and Harry's and her flat mate, smiles at you and kisses both your cheeks. Gem introduces the others, whom you don't know and whose names you forget instantly. 

You sit next to Gemma and it’s not long before the subject of Harry comes up. "Why don't you call him y/n? He'd love to hear from you."  
"It's been too long Gem, too much happened. It's best to just leave it be." You sigh sadly.   
"What the bloody hell happened to you two? You were inseparable. Like Laurel and Hardy, Simon and Garfunkel, Ant and Dec. What could possibly have been so bad?"  
"Silly shit I suppose." You realise the truth of your words as you utter them.

 

_After you had spent the night together two years ago. You didn't see Harry for almost a month. The longest you'd ever been without speaking to him, besides a few texts, since the day you met. The time apart was unbearable but it did the trick. The feelings you had started to have towards Harry had halted and then fizzled away, much to your relief. You were more than ready to get your bezzie back._

_You had made a decision to call him as soon as it had been a month, but he beat you to it. A few day before the month was up, Harry walked into your pub.  
"Harry!" You exclaimed jumping over the bar and leaping into his arms. He picked you up and spun you round whilst telling you how much he'd missed you. Your reunion is brief but he invites you out for a dinner that evening to catch up. _

_You arrive at the swanky restaurant that doesn't seem very Harry and wonder why he's picked such a formal setting. Harry is already there, sitting at the bar, waiting to be seated. He stands and wraps you in his familiar embrace. He has a gin and tonic waiting for you and slides it towards you with his free hand, his other still holding yours. You chat about Uni, your families and friends for a while, but something feels off. He's not telling you something. It's an odd sensation to you because normally you know every thought that passes through his head. "What's going on Haz?" You ask softly "What are you hiding?"_  
Harry smiles coyly, "I'm not hiding anything. I was about to tell you. I'm in love y/n." Your heart stops.   
"What?"  
"She's funny and sweet and beautiful and creative and I've never met anyone like her. She...it sounds really corny but I think she's the one. Like she's my soulmate."  
Your heart is pounding, and all those feeling you thought had gone hit you in a rush. It's overwhelming and staggering but it’s also the greatest moment of your life. "Does she have a name this amazing woman of yours?" You ask breathlessly, unable to look him in the eye for fear he will see desperation in yours. When he says nothing you manage to drag your eyes back to him. He is looking past you, a widening grin on his face. 

_"Here she is! Y/N I'd like to introduce you to my girlfriend, Taylor."  
You managed to hold it together through dinner, laughing where appropriate, asking questions about how they met and the like, just as Harry would expect. _

_But when you got back to your dorm you went straight to Louis room, ate an entire tub of Ben and Jerry's and drank three bottles of wine._  
"Seriously Louis," you slurred, "This girl is unreal. She has this pinched face, which constantly looks disapproving and judgmental. I tried, I really did, but she's a terrible human being."  
"Oh come on love, that's a bit harsh no?"  
"She ordered for him, gave out about what he was wearing, tried to get me to agree with her when she said Harry should stop studying music and change to a course that 'isn't a complete waste of time'. She them went on a fifteen minute rant about how the arts are 'selfish' subjects to study. And Harry let her. Didn't even think to defend his passion, our passions. I'm at St fucking Martins for god sake! Harry's best friend! The most prestigious art school in the country. And she deliberately mispronounced my name like ten times. And she let me and Harry go halves on the bill. She picked a fancy restaurant, ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, insisted on having four courses and then when the bill came she just expected Harry to pay for her! He didn't have enough fucking money so I went half with him!"  
"Ok. I hate her. She's a bitch. What was Harry doing inviting her to your reunion dinner anyways? You could hardly talk about what happened between you guys with his new girlfriend there."  
"He's just excited. He's in love for the first time I guess." You defend him.  
"Awww you really love him don't you pet."  
"No!" 

_For the next five months you hardly ever saw Harry without Taylor. You tried really hard to find some common ground, something to bond over. Of course you had Harry in common and would gladly talk about him, but it pained you to hear her belittle and try to change him. She seemed to hate all the things about Harry that made him, well, Harry. It all came to a head one night at The Queen of Hoxton, a cool dive of a bar patronised by the hipster set. Harry's band had just finished their set and, as he always did, Harry dedicated the bands one cover to you. You're My Best Friend by Queen.  
This was the first gig Taylor had bothered to come to and she obviously didn't take kindly to Harry singing a song about you being his sunshine. She followed you into the bathroom. _

_"What did you think then Tay?" You ask when you notice her, knowing she hates having her name shortened. "They're really good right? It must be great to finally hear them, to see how Haz lights up on stage" you were being sincere. Your thought being that seeing Harry so obviously in his element, will make Taylor back off in her crusade to turn Haz into some city boy stockbroker._  
"Mmm, it was certainly illuminating. I was mostly watching you. Mouthing every word of every song, parading around the front of the crowd, dancing to get Harry's attention."  
You are genuinely shocked at Taylor's words. You where mouthing along with the lyrics because you know them all, you've never missed a gig. As for dancing to get Harry's attention that's just a lie, you were actually dancing with Adam, a guy you'd met that night, who you were planning on going home with.   
"Erm Taylor, are you drunk hon? Maybe you should think about what you’re saying."  
"What I'm saying is back off my boyfriend. He's mine, not yours. In fact stay away from him altogether. If you so much as enter the same room as him after tonight I'll tell him you threatened me. That you lied and said you were having an affair. You're so blatantly crazy about him; he won't hesitate to believe me."  
"Woah! Ok you’re drunk. I'm going to forget you ever said that and go back home with Adam, the guy I was actually dancing with" you make to pass her when she pushes you against a wall.   
"Adam? He's mine too babes. I've been fucking him behind Harry's back for the entire time. Every time he has a gig, I'm riding Adam." You aren't sure if she's telling the truth or not, but you slap her without hesitation.  
"Ok bitch. You wanna go? Cause I'll fucking go." You threaten but Taylor just laughs.   
"Oh honey, thank you for marking my face. It will make my story all the more believable." 

_You raced from the bathroom to find Harry. But Taylor got their first, spinning some story that Harry believed. You told him about Adam, about her goading you but he just looked at you with pity. That was eighteen months ago and you haven't spoken since._

 

"Listen. Remember Tara?" Gemma asks snapping you from your thoughts.   
"Yeah, of course I do."  
"Remember what I told you back then? I don't know the particulars but I know you fell out around the time Taylor was on the scene. You can't let some silly slip of a girl come between you. You guys have the strongest friendship I've ever seen. It's fucking beautiful. Harry's been miserable without you babe. He split up with her two weeks after you fought. And he's tried reaching out to you so many times since then. I look around this room and I see all the people you love; with one glaring exception. I had to convince him not to come tonight you know. He's sitting at home depressed as fuck. He was convinced you'd call him on his birthday and then he was convinced you'd call him today. He's heartbroken y/n"   
You have no idea what to say, but luckily Anne, Harry and Gemma's mum, and her partner Robin arrive and envelope you in kisses and happy birthdays. 

Half an hour later, you slip out to the parking lot and nervously dial Harry's number.   
"Y/n?!" He answers sounding so hopeful your heart breaks. You'd changed your number since you'd fallen out so he couldn't have known it was you.   
"Hey Harry. Happy birthday for the other day. How are you?"  
"Happy birthday to you too love. I'm alright, better for hearing your voice. How about you?" You notice an odd noise in the background, like Harry might be driving.   
"I'm fed up of this. It's my 21st and we should be sharing this party. I should have returned your calls, or replied to your emails. I definitely should have come to see you after you sent that letter. It was beautiful, thank you."  
"No worries. And you've called me now that's all that matters."   
"We need to meet up."  
"Turn around." You turn and notice a motorcycle coming towards you. The bike stops and the driver removes his helmet, revealing himself to be your friend. Your Harry.  
"I missed my best mate. I need you y/n. I was on my way to beg you to forgive me."  
You throw your arms around him and both crying you embrace. You hold each other tightly for several minutes and for the first time in a long time you feel whole. 

Eventually you tear yourselves apart and wiping the tears from your eyes you laugh "I leave you for 18 months and you get a motorbike! Yes they are very cool but you know what medical people call bikers right? Organ donors!"  
"I'm a great rider. But then you know that." He winks, as you roll your eyes "It’s perfectly safe. Wanna go for a spin?"   
You ride through the dark London night, your arms hang on tightly to Harry's back. You soon realise where he's taking you and you can't help but smile. 

Harry and you sit silently, side by side in Hyde Park, where you had spent your first summer in London. The barbecues and beers you'd shared there, along with the laughs, the music and the picnics seemed to fill the air.   
"I should have known you were right about Taylor. Your always right" he eventually breaks the companionable silence, sounding a little bitter and you feel more than a little ticked off.   
"You still don't get it do you? It was never about being right. It was you thinking I was acting from self-interest. Yes I had feelings for you, I can admit that now. But if she'd been right for you, had been good and honest and loving, I would have been happy for you. I never would have stood in the way of your happiness Haz. Never. And even knowing what she was like I bit my tongue for so long. Then when she said that to me I never doubted for a moment you'd believe me. But you didn’t. And worst of all you looked at me with pity and made me feel like a silly little girl."  
"I'm so sorry y/n. I was a dick. I thought I loved her and things had been weird with us. I should never have doubted you baby girl. Forgive me? Please?"  
"Of course you're forgiven!"  
"You know, even though we haven't spoken in a year and a half I still tell people you’re my best friend."  
"I always will be."  
"It drives girls mad. They think I'm hiding you from them because you’re beautiful and I'm secretly in love with you."  
"Girls plural huh? No longer than one night girls?"  
"There's been a few, none stuck. How about you? Is it serious between you and whatshisface? Gem said you're all smitten these days."  
"Liam? I think so. It's early days, we've only been together four months but yeah, I love him. He says he loves me too."  
"And you're happy?"  
"With him? yeah. With life in general? I am now I've got you back."


	6. 23 Emergency Text Ignored

"Hey babe, I'm home." Liam calls, putting his keys in the bowl by the door. He has been working late at his studio, putting the finishing touches to his latest installation.   
"Hey beautiful." You call from the kitchen.   
"You been back long?" He asks, dropping a kiss on your cheek.   
"I've only stepped through the door five mins ago." You'd been out celebrating Harry's 23rd birthday. You have an early start tomorrow and you'd been drinking cola all night so you'd bailed earlier than you normally would.   
"And how was his lordship?"   
"You know I hate it when you call him that. Harry's good. He sends his love and he was sorry you couldn't make it."  
"Yeah I bet he was gutted. Not at all ecstatic to have you all to himself." You smile to yourself. Harry had actually used very similar words when you'd apologised for Liam not coming. ('Well yay, this means I get you all to myself.')  
"I need to call him actually. Let him know I got home safe." You hit speed dial one, but it goes straight to Harry's answer phone. You decide not to leave a message.   
"How did it go at the studio? Did you get everything done you planned on?"  
"Not even close. I'm starting to freak I'm not going to be ready on time for the gallery."   
"You'll be fine. These things always come together at the last minute."  
Liam starts to complain about the pressure he's feeling and you're listening, you really are. But you do keep glancing at your phone. Waiting for Harry to call you back. Liam starts getting a little aggravated, "Why ask if you aren't going to pay attention to my answer, if you’re not really interested?"  
"I am interes-" your phone chimes your message alert. You see it's from Harry. "I've got to go." You tell him.   
"Are you for real?"  
"He's sent the emergency I need you now text." You reply, firing off a text telling Harry you’re on the way.   
"Argh! He's drunk, he probably just needs your help to kick some girl out again." Liam is referring to the last time you got a similar text. Harry had wanted you to pull the girlfriend getting home play to help him get rid of a one night stand who just wouldn't leave.   
"No he wouldn't do that again. Not after the shit I gave him over it last time." You smile involuntarily at the memory.   
"And tell me, did you give him hell for asking you to pretend to be his girlfriend, for making that poor girl feel bad about herself? Or for the incorrect use of an emergency text?"  
"Liam I haven't got time for this right now. He needs me."  
"Don't go."  
"Liiiiam-"  
"No this is it. I've had enough. This is why I call him his lordship. He clicks his fingers and you go running."  
"That's not fair."  
"Do you know what's not fair? Feeling second place to him. Not just feeling, coming second place to him."  
"I can't have this argument again. If we are going to stand any real chance of making this work you need to get over this petty rivalry!" This feels like the millionth argument you've had about Harry. Always the same thing. Liam being jealous of your connection. Your starting to resent Liam and being pulled in two directions.   
"You’re never going to have a real chance with any man with him around!" Liam shouts, making his jealousy evident.   
"He's my best friend! Nothing more. Nothing less. Don't make me choose."  
"I would dare. I know I wouldn't stand a chance. No one does. Do you know how excluded you make everyone around you feel? It's like the rest of us aren't even there. Do you have any idea how belittled I feel when anyone new we meet assumes Harry is your boyfriend? Are you completely clueless as to how a fair number of my friends have told me I'm crazy to even try to be with you? They adore you Y/N, but they think you’re going to hurt me. Andy, my oldest friend, actually told me I should back off, because you and Harry belong together and I shouldn't stand in the way of that. I disregard all of that every day, push it to the back of my mind, and tell myself it's me you love. But I really needed you today. Me. Your boyfriend." He thumps his chest with every word, staring you down with fierce eyes ablaze with righteous anger. "But he sends one little text and you go running. It makes me feel this big." He holds his thumb and index finger close together.   
"I'm sorry Li. Really I am." you take his hand in yours and kiss his cheek. For the first time you see things from Liam's perspective. This isn't some petty jealousy thing, he's genuinely hurting. All because you are putting another man first. Other people in his ear certainly weren't helping. They didn't understand your relationship with Harry, most people didn't. Generally neither you nor Harry gave a shit. You both made it clear at the beginning of any relationship that you came as a pair. But Harry is a guy; of course Liam is going to feel threatened by your closeness. And you got with Liam during the time you and Haz weren't talking. You had been unfair to him, to your relationship. He was right, you had been putting him second to Harry. "He's been around longer than you babe. We only had each other for a long time. Now I have you and it's taking time for us both to get used to that shift in dynamics. And I feel bad for him because he doesn't have a you. He's only got me. You know what he's like, he doesn't do relationships, doesn't really get how they work. I'll talk to him about giving us some space okay? Now what did you want to talk about?" You ask, as Liam wraps his arms around you.  
"I'll tell you about it tomorrow. He's waiting for you."  
"Let him wait." You put your phone on silent. "Your right, it's probably nothing. Tonight I'm all yours."

Brrrr brrrr brrrr your phone vibrating against the wood of your nightstand wakes you. As you reach for it, bleary eyed, it stops. You see you have 37 missed calls. Shit. You unlock you phone, hands shaking and scroll through the call log. The latest are all from a London number you don't recognise. There are several from Gemma, as well as several from Zayn, Louis, and Niall, your group of friends. The oldest are from Harry himself, so you immediately hit the call button, your heart in your throat. You should have called him earlier. The phone rings out six times before a female voice answers "Hello?"  
"Hhhi, erm is Harry there please?"  
"May I ask who's calling please?"  
"It's Y/N. Please just put Haz on!" You say sternly, something has obviously happened and this is no time for one of his jealous little bints to start playing games.  
"What is your relationship to Harry?"  
"I'm his best friend. Look just give him the bloody phone! Something has happened, everyone has been calling me and I need to speak to him urgently."  
"Is this Ms Y/N? Mr Styles’ next of kin?" Mr Styles. Next of kin. Your veins suddenly feel full of iced water.  
"This is she." In your panic you fall into the familiar comfort of your 'business call phone voice'.   
"Ms Y/N, my name is Dr Keisha Windross from the Whittington hospital. I'm afraid Harry has been involved in a motor bike accident."  
"Is he alive?" You ask, praying to god you’re not sure you believe in for her to answer in the affirmative.  
"Yes." You breathe for the first time since she asked your name. "Barely" once again your heart stops "You should get here as quickly as possible. Do you understand what I mean by that?"  
"Yes." The gasp, not wanting to vocalise what it is she's saying to you. To be quick because he might not have long left.   
"I'm very sorry." She offers weakly.   
"What happened? Was anyone else hurt? What injuries does he have?" You ask her as you shake Liam awake, opening the closet to get a coat.   
"It's a little unclear at present. There was another driver involved; she has a broken leg and superficial wounds. Harry's bike landed on his chest. He had massive internal bleeding, his lungs collapsed, he had a ruptured spleen and his heart has been under a lot of strain. Luckily he was wearing a helmet so there is no damage to his brain. We have operated and managed to stop the bleeding, but he coded twice in theatre so we are having to wait to repair his lungs. He has also coded twice since then. He is unable to breathe unaided and we have him on a ventilator. The next 24hrs are crucial Ms Y/N. If we can get him through them we will hopefully be able to go back in and repair the rest of the damage. He is sedated at present, but we can bring him around for a few minutes if you would like to speak to him."  
"I'm out the door right now. Don't let him go doc. Please keep him alive."  
Liam had been listening to your call with an open mouth before snapping into action, throwing on sweatpants and a hoodie and grabbing your car keys. "You're in no state to drive." He pulls you into a quick hug "He's a stubborn bastard and he'll be ok. No way will he go without saying goodbye to you. No way."  
The car journey is unbearable. You take in the fact Liam is barefooted at one point and you take in the fact the radio is on. It must have come on automatically when Li started the car both of you too distracted to notice or care.   
But as this particular song opening bars seep into your consciousness, your eyes widen and that’s it, the flood gates open. Massive sobs rack your body. At first it is silent, but with each verse you become more hysterical, struggling to catch your breath.   
_'Ooo. you make me live_  
whatever this world can give to me  
It's you, you're all I see  
Ooo, you make me live now honey  
Ooo, you make me live

_You're the best friend_  
that I ever had  
I've been with you such a long time  
You're my sunshine  
And I want you to know  
That my feelings are true  
I really love you  
You're my best friend 

_Ooo, you make me live_

_I've been wandering round_  
But I still come back to you  
In rain or shine  
You've stood by me girl  
I'm happy, happy at home  
You're my best friend. 

_You're the first one_  
When things turn out bad  
You know I'll neve-' 

Liam finally realises the song is making you, understandably, loose your shit and hits the off button.   
You cry some more, until suddenly you calm slightly.  
"Anne! Gem! I have to call them." You decide to call Gemma, thinking it best that Anne hears it from her. Unfortunately after three attempts, getting sent to voicemail you give in and call Anne.   
"Hiya Love." She answers with a sigh. You feel relief course through your entire body. She knows. She sounds so dejected, so flat, so utterly exhausted and not at all like her usual bubbly self. The hospital must have called her when they couldn't get hold of you, his registered next of kin.   
"Where are you Anne? I've been trying to call Gem."  
"We're both at the hospital," you hasn't realised she'd been in London. Usually when she came to town you'd spend as much time with her as Harry and Gemma. "Are you two almost here?" She asks.  
"The traffic is surprisingly heavy for this time of night, morning, whatever. We shouldn't be much longer." You pause and take a deep breath, "How is he Anne?" Your whole body tenses readying itself for the worst.   
"Well it was touch and go for a while there, but he's going to be ok." Silent sobs start to rack your body, "He's cracking jokes, flirting with the nurses."  
You freeze "Bbbut the doctor said...his lungs!?!"  
"Lungs? No love, he had a heart attack. He's fine, he's gonna be ok. Just gave us all a scare and is going to have to lay off the bacon."  
"Heart attack?!?" You start to hyperventilate. You feel the phone being taken from your grasp "Mrs Twist? This is Liam, y/n's boyfriend." You hear as you stare at the dash, wondering if you've lost grip of reality. You zone out for the length of the conversation between Liam and Anne, only catching the end. "I see. Y/n will call you back in just a moment." Liam says hanging up. He pulls into the hard shoulder, leaving the car to idle in neutral.   
"Y/N I need you to listen to me very carefully ok."  
You turn to face him every movement feeling like it’s in slow motion....


	7. 23 (continued)

“Anne is in a hospital in Manchester,” Liam began “Des had a heart attack earlier last night.”  
“Des” you murmur, trying to grasp what he’s saying. Des is Harry and Gemma's Dad.   
“He’s ok,” he continues “but Anne is under the impression we are driving Harry to Manchester. She doesn’t know y/n, none of them do. So you need to pull yourself together and call her back.”  
Your head is spinning and you shake it, to clear the cobwebs, trying to get this new information to sink in. Liam takes it to mean no, you can’t do it.  
“If you can’t face it…I’ll call them.”  
You know that’s not right. It has to come from you. “It should be me. I'm family.”  
The phone rings. “It’s her.” Liam says, offering it up to you.  
You draw a shaky breath and answer, bringing it to your ear.  
“Y/N what the hell is going on? You’ve got me freaking out. Can you put Harry on?”  
“Anne can you sit down please?”  
“Y/N?” You hear the fear in her voice and heart in mouth you continue.  
“Anne Harry has had an accident. I don’t know a lot, except he’s critical and you need to get down here.” You try to keep your voice soft, comforting, but it breaks midway through.

The howl of anguish you hear on the end of the line, the vocalisation of the pain only a mother can feel, is the most disturbing thing you’ve ever heard. You hear what sounds like the phone hitting the ground.  
“Mum? Mum? What’s wrong?!” you hear Gemma ask desperately  
“Harry!” Anne wails. You hear shuffling and then Gemma is on the line.  
“What the fuck is going on with my brother y/n?”  
You explain the little you know.   
“But why weren’t you with him?! I called him about dad and told him to get up to Manchester. He said he’d been drinking, and even if he hadn’t he wouldn’t want to ride all this way on the bike. He said you’d drive him because I wasn’t in London; I've been in Holmes all week. Why weren’t you with him y/n?! Why?!”  
“I'm…I’m sorry Gem, I didn’t know”  
“If he doesn’t make it….I’ll fucking kill ya. I mean it y/n!”

“We’re here.” Liam interrupts, dropping you at the entrance, intending to park the car and meet you inside.   
“Gemma I'm at the Whittington, I need to go. I’m really sorry.” You apologise as you clamber out of the car.  
“Oh y/n I'm sorry. I didn’t mean it. Of course it’s not your fault. I'm just…” She trails off.  
“I know. I'm going to go see him, find out what’s going on and I’ll call you as soon as I know anything.”  
“Ok. The first train is in an hour and a half; the train takes two hours so that’s going to be quicker than driving”  
“Keep me updated on your eta and I’ll have someone pick you up at Euston. Say strong Gem, for your mam.”  
“I’m sorry again y/n. Love you babe and tell Harry we love him yeah?”  
“Of course. Love you too and give Anne my love. And Des.”

You race to reception “Harry Styles, Motorbike accident. Critical. Where?” You pant breathlessly at the little man behind the desk.  
“What is your relation to Mr Styles?”  
“I’m his best friend.”  
“Family only I'm afraid. I can only give this information to them.”  
“I AM FAMILY!” You spit through gritted teeth. ”We've been best friends since we were six. The rest of his family are in Manchester. I'm all he's got.”  
“Even so.”  
“I’m his next of fucking kin! He chose me to be his medical proxy.”  
“Why didn’t you say? Your name and some photo ID please. Also Mr Styles Date of Birth.”  
You fish your driver’s licence from your wallet and hand it over. “1st of Feb 1994, his middle name is Edward, his mother’s maiden name is Cox, and under next of kin you will find y/n!”  
“I’m sorry. We have to be thorough because of patient confidentiality laws.”  
“I get that and any other day I’d be the highlight of your week. I’d be charming and sweet and a bloody delight. But right now my best friend, my soulmate, is lying in a hospital bed possibly dying. And you are stopping me from getting to him. Where is he? Where? Please? Please tell me?” you burst into tears once again.  
“Critical Care Unit. Take that lift,” he points to a bank of elevators in the central atrium “to the first floor, follow the red line on the floor, taking the first right. I hope Mr Styles is ok.”  
“Thank you.” You say as you realise Liam is standing beside you. He nods his thanks at the guy on reception and slipping his arm around you, leads you to the lift.

The short ride up just one floor makes your stomach jolt.  
“He's going to be ok. He wouldn’t go without seeing you one last time. He'd never do that to you, he loves you too much.” Liam repeats, over and over, as you follow the red line to the CCU down a never ending corridor. You get the feeling his platitudes are as much for himself as for you. “I’m sorry y/n. This is all my fault.”  
“Huh?”  
“I stopped you going to him. I wanted you to myself so I could bitch about work and he needed you, really needed you.”  
“Oh shut up Liam. I can’t deal with that right now. It’s not your fault so just shut up. I can’t comfort you, not at the moment. He needs me now.” You snap as you finally reach the CCU. You see an attractive young doctor and approach her straight away. “I’m looking for Harry Styles. I'm his next of kin.”  
“Arh Ms y/n, we spoke earlier on the phone, I'm Dr Keisha Windross. I'm Harry's primary physician. Let me take you to him. I understand you must be very eager to see him, but please remember he has a ventilator breathing for him and lots of machines and wires attached to him. Prepare yourself for that.” As you reach a door to a private room Dr Windross stops, her hand on the metal push sign. “Go see him and I’ll be waiting just outside. Let me know when you’d like me to come in and bring you up to speed.” She reaches out and squeezes your hand, in a gesture of compassion that would remain with you for the rest of your life, and pushed the door. As it swung inwards yourself and Liam start to enter the room, Dr W places a hand on Liam's shoulder and shakes her head, once again showing an understanding of what you need. Li looks hurt so you turn your head back, whilst still walking forwards, and hold up one finger. “Just one minute alone? Please?” you mouth. Liam nods, giving you a small smile.

You are in the room. The door swings shut behind you. You walk slowly towards the bed, the only noise the hammering of your heart, the beeping of the monitors and the rasp of the ventilator. Starting at his feet and working your way up you catalogue his injuries. You get to his face. His lifeless face with a breathing tube and a neck brace, the two black eyes, a multitude of cuts and grazes. You step closer wanting to touch him. Confirm he’s still warm and therefor still alive. As you reach out for his hand you notice his chest. The bandages almost saturated with his red, red blood. And the second you feel his warm hand the world goes black as you slip into unconsciousness.


	8. 24-26 Fear, An Erection and The End

You unfold the much thumbed letter.

10th January.

 

Hey beautiful,  
I've never written you a letter like this before, it feels really odd. I probably won't even give you it, but I need to say this somewhere and if I try and talk to you it'll all come out jumbled and wrong. So here goes. Basically I love you. I. Love. You. Man its liberating to finally admit that. Three simple words that have meant different things to us at different stages.  
As children I love you meant you're my bestest mate and like a sister.  
As a teenager it meant pretty much the same, except as those years went on I stopped thinking of you as a sister, I started to notice you were a girl, if that makes sense? Ibiza was proof of that.   
The next day all I wanted to do was kiss you again, but you acted like nothing had changed. I heard you talking with a few of the guys, saying it only happened because of the pills we'd taken and I was gutted  
But. That's the word that usual follows isn't it. I love you but...not that way, only as a friend, you infuriate me, not as much as my current partner. Well this time there are no buts. I love you that way, I love you as more than a friend, and I love you because you infuriate me. Above all else I love you and only you. I want to-

It ends there. It was in Harry's belongings at the hospital. He had written it three weeks before the accident, he must have carried it with him waiting to find the words to express what it was he wanted. It tears you apart that you’ll never speak to the person who wrote that letter again.

Sure Harry is here, you live with him. But that Harry, the carefree lad he was before the accident? He's gone.

But maybe today will be the day you get him back. It’s a year since the accident, since Harry's 23rd. you let the day pass without comment, but today is your birthday and today you are going to finally tell him you’ve seen the letter.

You enter his bedroom, where he is lying in bed facing the wall. “Harry?” you call quietly in case he’s asleep. You can see in the mirror that he's not but he doesn’t acknowledge your presence. He often doesn’t. “Harry I know you're awake.” Still nothing. You exhale loudly and plough on anyway.  
“I’ve seen the letter Harry.” He tenses. “It’s time we talk about it.”  
“No.” his voice is raspy, he speaks so little these day. You know he resents you, because you care for him, bathe him, dress him, help change his bag.  
“I love you Harry, always have.” 

Liam is long gone. You blamed him for you not being there for Harry. It wasn’t his fault not really, but you couldn’t help the anger you felt, the wish it was him not Haz who’d been hurt. The calls from him begging you to take him back stopped after about four months. You made it perfectly clear how you felt.

“No you don’t. You love who I was.” He sounds so bitter, so devoid of life.  
“That person is still in there. You just need to be more positive. Your physical therapist has told you what to do; you just need to do it.”  
“Go away y/n.” he's flat, almost expressionless.  
“Oh fucking stop feeling sorry for yourself! I. Love. You. Still, I love you. And I'm not going to let you say no to us simply because you feel full of self-pity.”  
“You think this is about pity? It’s about fucking pride!” Harry has more life in him than you’ve seen in a month. You cherish the anger in his voice, on his face. “I don’t want my girlfriend to be the one who changes my piss bag! Who I depend on for everything! Who I couldn’t even fuck!”  
“I don’t care.” You say softly.  
“Well I do. I’m too ill and too weak. So just get the fuck out. I don’t love you, and I didn’t then why do you think I never gave you the damn letter?”

 

“Y/N!!!!” you hear Harry shout. Dropping the eggs you were putting in the cupboard you race through to the former sitting room that now serves as his bedroom.  
“Are you ok? What’s happened?” you words come out in a jumbled mess.  
“Get here.” He commands, so you race to his bedside. He pulls back the covers and the sight that greats you makes your eyes widen.  
“How?” you breathe, unable to believe what you’re seeing.  
“I was thinking about you, you bent over earlier and your arse just looked so smackable. I was picturing it, thinking how I’d love to sink my teeth into it and bam! First bone on in two years.”

You bite your lip and cover your mouth to keep from laughing. Harry's eyes are sparkling and all of the old mischief that lived there once is back again.  
“Get in.” He commands once again.  
“Maybe we shouldn’t rush into anything. I don’t want to scare it off.” You can’t help but giggle, you feel so giddy. Harry is being playful and that the best birthday present you could ever wish for.  
“Y/N it’s you 25th birthday, and I’m gonna make you come like a like a volcano. So get in the fucking bed.” You throw your head back in laughter, enjoying how playful he's being. But of course you get in. He's gonna make you come like a volcano after all.

His kisses are clumsy at first, over eager, but soon he gets his rhythm and he's even better than you remember. You moan into his mouth as his tongue massages yours and he breaks away to remove your shirt. He pauses for a moment taking in your breasts. “I feel like a virgin.” He admits. You know what he means, you're feeling as nervous as you were the first time, more so. 

"When I was with Tara, that first time, I pictured you."  
"What?! Harry!"  
He simply shrugs and with a smirk continues "It wasn't intentional. You just popped into my mind. And I came instantly."  
You feel you a tightening in your centre at Harry's crude words. His hands start to trail down your stomach, leading to your core.  
"Did you really." You say, feigning nonchalance, but your ragged breathing gives you away.  
"Mhm, I did. In fact," he has reached his destination and as he says the next word he slips two fingers inside of you, his thumb rubbing circles on your clit. "the first time we fucked I was terrified it would all be over too quickly. You see over the years, you've popped into my head a fair bit. And every time it pushed me right over the edge. So that, combined with how tight and wet you were, had me worried."  
"That's why you went slow."  
"I wanted to savour every moment. Also if I'd have given in for just one second, I'd have lost myself, fucked you so you wouldn't walk straight for a week. Did you ever do that? Picture me?"  
"With other men? No." your eyes are trying to flutter closed but Harry's gaze holds you steady.  
"How about alone? Ever get so wound up by me you just had to run those elegant little hands down your elegant little body to a not so elegant task?" He slides in a third finger, his movements becoming harder, more forceful.

"I broke a rabbit. Burnt out the motor." You gasp, the ripples of pleasure coursing through your body. Harry's fingers are nimble and clever, he’s stretching you whist also pressing your g-spot.  
"I want to see it."  
“I threw it out."  
"But you have a replacement right? I want to see you use it. Get yourself off for me."

You know Harry is three sheets to the wind, drunk on the fact his body isn’t betraying him for once; otherwise he'd never talk to you like this. You'd tell him no, except this is the first time he's looked alive since the accident. He has the sparkle back in his eyes that you've so sorely missed. He looks like Harry. Still, "If we do this Haz, you're not going to go all weird on me in the morning are you? I couldn't take you hating me again."  
"Hating you?" Harry's movements stop, just for a second but it lets you know your words have hit him hard.

You could kick yourself; you hadn't meant to say that. "When we...last time, you made me feel like I had pressured you into it. And then you went away and fell in love with Taylor, and things weren't right between us for two years after that. It felt like you where punishing me. I watched you almost die Harry, you can't imagine what that does to a person. To watch the person you love most in the world, the love of your life, that close to slipping away forever." Silent tears roll down your flushed cheeks.  
"I never hated you. I have loved you since I was 6 years old. I was a coward. And I've kept being a coward. Move out y/n"  
"But-"  
"I don't want you being my career anymore. So go back home, and let me take you out. On a date. Let me do it properly this time."  
"Harry-"  
"Because I love you too. You're my best friend but it’s more than that, I am like a school boy before you asking if you feel as deeply as I do. Because I want to wait. Until I can walk again properly. Give me three months."

You heart is swells, feeling almost double in size. He’s talking about walking. He thinks he can do it in three months. He’s finally found something to be positive for.  
"Three months. That's a hell of a long time to leave a girl on the brink."  
Harry smirks, "I will give you something to keep you warm on the long lonely nights." With that he slides down the bed, forcing you up on to your knees. He slides your panties fully to the side, and with his fingers still working you brings his tongue to your clit. Smooth circular motions make way to him sucking and nipping at you, humming against you, and then back to licking. You feel the familiar build inside and when you look down and see Harry's eyes burning with a passion you’ve never seen before you unravel screaming his name.

You flop back on the bed, noticing the small damp patch in Harry's pj bottoms. It makes you giggle again, you feel so light headed.  
“That was…” you sigh, stretching out like a cat.  
“We aren’t done. Do get your vibrator.”  
You race up the stairs to your room, howling when Harry shouts “And don’t think for one second you aren’t sucking me off!”

 

“Did you enjoy today babe?” you ask as you rub in some hand cream.  
“I did, it was nice to see everyone. I guess it’s the last party like that we’re going to have for a while.”  
“Yep. Happy Birthday darling.” You kiss your love as he climbs into bed next to you. It was great to celebrate his 26th birthday, and have nobody mention the accident.

Mind you most of the attention had been on you.  
“That dress your mum got us is so cute.” Harry smiles at you, reaching for the cocoa butter on the nightstand. “You are going to be the best dressed little munchkin in the whole world. Especially with Auntie Gemma. How many pairs of shoes and socks can one baby wear? She's gone crazy for them.” He looks up from your swollen tummy. “You ready? It’s a bit cold.” He starts to massage the cocoa butter in and you feel the baby move. She’s due any day now. You fell pregnant exactly three months after Harry's last birthday, the day he’d walked to your door and made good on his promise. 

“Aww, stop making Mummy uncomfortable Small.” He talks to the bump as you call her, using his name for her Small. The last nine months for been the most blissful of your life. You’ve loved every second of the pregnancy, but your favourite memory is when you told Harry.

You’d felt apprehensive to say the least. The last six weeks had been fabulous, but you had to admit a part of you had been waiting for him to pull back. To get over the joy of walking again and realise he didn’t want you. You had been waiting for the other shoe to drop, and damned if you weren’t about to hit him over the head with it. “Harry we need to talk, I need to tell you something.” You felt sick, not just from morning sickness.

“You're pregnant aren’t you?” he grinned up at you from the music sheet he’d been writing on.  
“How do you know?”  
“I feel we've had all our bad luck so I knew it had to be good news, and I thought what would make my life even more perfect? And that was the answer. Because we are going to have family aren’t we?”  
Happy tears streamed down both your faces, “Yes. Yes.” You nodded, not able to say anything more.

“Shall I sing to her? That usually sends her to sleep.” You nod and smile down at him, taking a mental picture of the perfect sight in front of you. Your beautiful best friend, resting his head on your thigh, singing Isn’t She Lovely to your unborn child. You wonder, with a contented sigh what you’ve done to be blessed so.

And that’s without knowing Harry has a ring and a very important question to ask you on your birthday the day after tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! There's an epilogue to come but I'm still working on it. Hopefully it'll be done real soon :)   
> If you've enjoyed please leave kudos and let me know in the comments. It'll make my day to hear your thoughts.  
> Peace love and respect   
> Kay   
> Xxxx


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